JOHN WOLCOT (PETER PINDAR). 66 'P'rhaps, Master Razor-rogue, to you 'tis fun, That people flay themselves out of their lives: You rascal! for an hour have I been grubbing, Giving my crying whiskers here a scrubbing, With razors just like oyster-knives. Sirrah! I tell you, you're a knave, To cry up razors that can't shave." "Friend," quoth the razor-man, "I'm not a knave: As for the razors you have bought, Upon my soul I never thought That they would shave." "Not think they'd share!" quoth Hodge, with wondering eyes, And voice not much unlike an Indian yell; "What were they made for then, you dog?" he cries; "Made!" quoth the fellow, with a smile, 66 TO SELL THE PILGRIMS AND THE PEAS. So home the clown, with his good| A BRACE of sinners, for no good, Were ordered to the Virgin Mary's shrine, Who at Loretto dwelt in wax, stone, wood, And in a curled white wig looked wondrous fine, Fifty long miles had these sad rogues to travel, With something in their shoes much worse than gravel: In The short, their toes so gentle to amuse, priest had ordered peas into their shoes: A nostrum famous in old popish times Hodge sought the fellow-found For purifying souls deep sunk in him and begun: crimes: As it has been My lot to see, I think you'll own your wife As good or better than the generality. An interest in your case I really take, And therefore gladly this agreement make: An hundred eggs within the basket lie, With which your luck, to-morrow, you shall try; Also my five best horses, with my cart; And from the farm at dawn you shall depart. All round the country go. Where husbands rule, a horse be stow, But where the wives, an egg. And if the horses go before the eggs, Should be the rule for married folks I'll ease you of your wife, I will, l' fegs!" Away the married man departed At the first house he knocked, To hear a female voice, with angry roar, Scream out,-"Hullo! Why, husband, are you deaf? go to the door, See who it is, I beg." Our poor friend John I will not all his journey through He'd seen an hundred husbands, minus one, And eggs just ninety-nine had given away. "Ha! there's a house where he I seek must dwell," At length cried John; "I'll go and ring the bell.” The servant came, - John asked him, "Pray, Friend, is your master in the way?" "No," said the man, with smiling phiz, "My master is not, but my mistress is; Walk in that parlor, sir, my lady's in it: Master will be himself there-in a minute." The lady said her husband then was dressing, And, if his business was not very pressing, She would prefer that he should wait until His toilet was completed; Adding, "Pray, sir, be seated." "Madam, I will," Said John, with great politeness; "but I own That you alone Can tell me all I wish to know; Will you do so? Pardon my rudeness And just have the goodness (A wager to decide) to tell me do No, no," said he, "Friend, take the four others back, And only leave the black." 'Nay, husband, I declare I must have the gray mare:" Adding (with gentle force), "The gray mare is, I'm sure, the better horse." "Well, if it must be so, good sir, The gray mare we prefer; So we accept your gift." John made a leg: "Allow me to present you with an egg; 'Tis my last egg remaining, The cause of my regaining, I trust the fond affection of my wife, Whom I will love the better all my life. |