obedience to bad counsel, to take advantage of its stability. When my Master saw this he prohibited my entering the guest-chamber, and told me to come no farther than the door. I soon found that my pride had cast me from the upper chamber, and that my haughty spirit had procured me this fall, Prov. xvi. 18. Every humble soul that came up stairs found admittance; but the command to me was, Give this man place. Thus for many weeks my upper seat was empty; and I was obliged with shame to take the lowest room, and appear in the lobby in the character of a porter, standing there for others to look at. As I saw others go in and out and find pasture, John x. 9, it so filled my soul with jealousy, that the flame of it seemed to consume all my love to the Master and the family, yea, and even all comfortable union with them. Here I lost sight of the covenant, and began to fear a final discharge. My hope now beginning to sink, desperate revenge sprang up; and if my mouth had not been kept as it were with a bridle, I should have added rebellion to my sin, charged my master foolishly, multiplied words against God, Job xxxiv. 37; and said in my haste, that both prophets and apostles are liars, Psalm cxvi. 11. In this condition I lay for a considerable time, being too proud to ask any of the family to intercede for me, as I had formerly appeared in the character of a key keeper. But, sinking so fast, I soon fell even from being

porter, and before I was aware I saw myself in the. house of correction. I now struggled, but soon perceived that my feet were made fast in the stocks, Job xiii. 27. Thus was I shut up, and could not come forth, Job xii. 14. But oh! the cruel jealousy, the darkness and dread, the fear and horror, the spite and malice, which I felt in this dark cell! I had no light, but just a glimmering through a lattice, by which I saw many pass and repass. Here, however, I broke through all my pride at length, and was forced to turn petitioner. I begged an apple, or promise, of one; and a little wine, or consolation, of another, Cant. ii. 5. But the fire of jealousy flamed so high within me, that I had lost all my spiritual palate; every thing was so unsavoury, that, to use the words of Job, it had no more taste than the white of an egg. In this situation I continued until my soul refused to be comforted, Psalm lxxvii. 2; but seeing another person go up into the guest-chamber, I desired her to tell my Master that I was sick of love; and, as it was well with her soul, I beseeched her to remember Joseph. Soon after this I was brought to reflect on my conduct, during my confinement in this house of correction; and I found that I had omitted petitioning his Majesty, which was adding sin to sin, Job xv. 4. This reflection caused me to send up this grievous complaint, Thou shuttest up a man, and there is no opening, Job xii. 14. Finding some little ease, I swallowed down my spittle,

Job vii. 19; and searched for a scriptural warrant that would admit a bold faith to act; and at last I caught hold of this resolute declaration, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." My blessed Lord heard it; for I found afterwards, that he only stood behind the wall, Cant. ii. 9. Not long after this sweet word came into my mind, “I will arise and go to my Father," Luke xv. 18. I felt that the word, my, was applicable to me, and therefore I turned it into a scriptural petition, "I am thine; save me," Psalm cxix. 94. I now fell into a trance, and saw a light shine into the house of correction, and my blessed and holy Master shewed himself through the lattice, Cant. ii. 9; in all his dyed garments, and shone on my worthless soul with uncommon lustre, John xiv. 21. I thought my faith saw him as plain as any natural eye ever did when he hung upon the cross, Luke xii. 10; John xiv. 19; 1 Cor. xv. 5-8. The first word that he applied to my soul was, All that I love I rebuke and chasten, and scourge every son whom I receive.

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My soul failed when he spake." But when he put in his blessed and powerful hand by the hole of the door, I felt my heart so enlarged that my bowels were moved for him, Cant. v. 4. I thought I looked at him till my very soul melted; and in faith's vision of his dying love I saw my base ingratitude in all its deformity, which made me cry out, “I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now mine eye seeth thee; wherefore I

abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." I was now in such raptures, that I could not be persuaded in my own mind but that I was asleep, and in a dream, for I thought it was impossible for such an one to be so favoured of God. But when I began to move I found I had lost my chains indeed, and sweet enlargement was once more proclaimed, which filled my mouth with laughter, and my tongue with singing; and I said, He has turned my captivity; and I thought it was a dream, Psal. cxxvi. 1.

This was the second time that he appeared to revive his work on my soul after my having a long-standing controversy with him. And now he led me again into the banqueting-house, and his banner over me was love; and I rejoiced under it; but still kept reflecting on myself for my base ingratitude; for though he had forgiven me, I could not forgive myself. But as he walked across the room he cried out to one and to another, "Give this man place:" whereas before the command was for me to give place. This last voice was the sweetest; "for better it is that it be said unto thee, Come up hither, than that thou shouldest be put lower in the presence of the Prince whom thine have seen, seen," Prov. xxv. 7. Never was I seated so high before; my usual place being about the middle of the table, but now it was next to the Master himself. I sat and wept, and secretly gave him an hundred blessings; and in all his sweet

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conversation he ended with a blessing for Peter, in particular, Mark xvi. 7. It is true that was not my name, yet I took it all to myself; for though I had not denied him with dreadful oaths, yet I knew that curses enough were conceived in my heart, and that it was owing to his restraining power that I did not bring them forth. However, all those whom he brings out of the house of correction must sup with him, Rev. iii. 20; and those who are placed at the head of the table get the largest mess, yea, five times bigger than the rest; but before this honour is humility, Prov. xv. 33. When I came to look at the guests, I saw many put lower in his presence, and some were in a fair way to become porters: however, it is better to be a doorkeeper in his spiritual house than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. This merciful act of multiplying pardons has such a soul-humbling effect, that it clothed me with true humility, and taught me to walk many days in the path of selfabhorrence. Eternal Election shone bright in this also; because it is evident that God has sent a death-warrant to some thousands of servants at once for less heart-rebellion than I was guilty of as a son; yea, he has stripped many servants of all the ornaments he had given them, and turned them out of his house for ever, for less heart-rising than mine. But this is agreeable to his own laws; for nothing is secured to a servant; but to a son all is secured. Thus saith the Lord God, If the

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