rascal ran away from me, and came here and turn'd gardener. And pray what did you propose to yourself, Tom? I know you were always fond of botany, as they call it: did you intend to keep the trade going, and advertise fruit trees and flower-shrubs, to be had at Meadows' nursery? Haw. No, sir William, I apprehend the young Luc. I'm not going; I have thought of a way to be even with you, so you may do as you please. [Exit. Hodge. Well, I thought it would come to this, I'll be shot if I didn't; so, here's a fine job: but what can they do to me? They can't send me to gaol for carrying a letter, seeing, there was no treason in it; and how was I obliged to know my mas-gentleman designed to lay by the profession; for he ter did not allow of their meetings? The worst has quitted the habit already. tney can do, is to turn me off, and I am sure the place is no such great purchase; indeed, I should De sorry to leave Mrs. Rosetta, seeing as how matters are so near being brought to an end betwixt us but she and I may keep company all as one : and I find Madge has been speaking with Gaffer Broadwheels, the waggoner, about her carriage up to London; so that I have got rid of she, and I am sure I have reason to be main glad of it, for she led me a wearisome life; but that's the way with them all. AIR. Enter Young MEADOWS. Young M. I am so astonished to see you here, sir, that I don't know what to say: but I assure you, if you had not come, I should have returned home directly. Pray, sir, how did you find me out? Sir W. No matter, Tom, no matter: it was partly by accident as a body may say; but what does that signify? Tell me, boy, how stands your stomach towards matrimony: do you think you could digest a wife now? Young M. Pray, sir, don't mention it: I shall always behave myself as a dutiful son ought: I will never marry without your consent, and I hope you won't force me to do it against my own. Sir W. Is not this highly provoking, master Hawthorn? Why, sirrah, did you ever see the lady I designed for you? Young M. Sir, I don't doubt the lady's merit; but, at present, I am not disposed Haw. Nay, but, young gentleman, fair and softly; you should pay some respect to your father in this matter. Sir W. Respect, master Hawthorn! I tell you he shall marry her, or I'll disinherit him! there's once. Look you, Tom; not to make any more words of the [Exit. matter, I have brought the lady here with me, and I'll see you contracted before we part: or you shall delve and plant cucumbers as long as you live. Young M. Have you brought the lady here, sir? I am sorry for it. Young M. I am glad I had the precaution to bring Sir W. Why sorry? What, then, you won't marry this suit of clothes in my bundle, though I hardly her? We'll see that! Pray, master Hawthorn, conknow myself in them again. However, my gar-duct the fair one in. [Exit HAWTHORN.] Ay, sir, dener's jacket goes on no more. I wonder this girl you may fret and dance about; trot at the rate of does not come. Looking at his watch.] Perhaps she fifteen miles an hour, if you please; but, marry won't come. Why, then I'll go into the village, whip me, I'm resolved. take a post-chaise, and depart without any further ceremony. Enter HAWTHORN and ROSETTA. Sir W. Come in, madam; but turn your face from him; he would not marry you because he had not seen you but I'll let him know my choice shall be his, and he shall consent to marry you before he sees you, or not an acre of estate. Pray, sir, walk this way. Young M. Sir, I cannot help thinking your con. duct a little extraordinary; but since you urge me so closely, I must tell you my affections are engaged. Sir W. How, Tom, how? And pray sir, who are your affections engaged to? Let me know that. Young M. To a person, sir, whose rank and fortune may be no recommendation to her, but whose charms and accomplishments entitle her to a mocomply with your commands, and I hope you will narch. I am sorry, sir, it's impossible for me to not be offended if I quit your presence. Sir W. Not I, not in the least: go about your business. Young M. Sir, I obey. Haw. Now, madam, is the time. ROSETTA advances. Young MEADOWs turns round, and sees her. AIR.-ROSETTA. When we see a lover languish, Young M. Sir! Ros. Even so; 'tis very true, indeed. In short, you have not been a more whimsical gentleman, than I have a gentlewoman; but you see we are designed for one another; 'tis plain. Young M. I know not, madam, what I either hear or see; a thousand things are crowding on my imagination, while, like one just awakened from a dream, I doubt which is reality, which delusion. Sir W. Well then, Tom, come into the air a bit, and recover yourself. do Young M. Nay, dear sir, have a little patience; you give her to me? Sir W. Give her to you! ay, that I do, and my blessing into the bargain. Young M. Then, sir, I am the happiest man in the world! I inquire no further; here I fix the utmost limits of my hopes and happiness. DUET. Young M. All I wish, in her obtaining, Ros. Fortune can no more impart ; Haw. Give you joy, sir; and you, fair lady. And, under favour, I'll salute you too, if there's no fear of jealousy. Young M. And may I believe this? Pr'ythee tell me, dear Rosetta! Ros. Step into the house, and I'll tell you everything; I must entreat the good offices of sir William and Mr. Hawthorn immediately: for I am in the utmost uneasiness about my poor friend, Lucinda. Haw. Why, what's the matter¿ Ros. I don't know; but I have reason to fear I left her just now in very disagreeable circumstances; however, I hope if there's any mischief fallen out between her father and her lover Haw. The music-master! I thought so. Sir W. What, is there a lover in the case? May I never do an ill turn, but I am glad, so I am! for we'll make a double wedding; and, by way of celebrating it, take a trip to London, to show the brides some of the pleasures of the town. Come, child, go before us. [Exeunt Young M, and Ros.] And, master Hawthorn, you shall be of the party. Haw. Thank you, sir William; I'll go into the house with you, and to church, to see the young folks married: but as to London, 1 beg to be excused. AIR. If ever I'm catch'd in those regions of smoke, SCENE III-Justice Woodcock's Hall. Enter Justice WOODCOCK, Mrs. DEBORAH WOODCOCK, LUCINDA, EUSTACE, and HODGE. Mrs. D. Why, brother, do you think I can't hear, that fellow locked up in her closet; and, while I or see, or make use of my senses? I tell you, I left have been with you, they have broke opet the door, and got him out again. Jus. W. Well, you hear what they say. Mrs. D. I care not what they say; it's you enwill you face me down that I did not lock the courage them in their impudence. Harkye, hussy, fellow up? Luc. Really, aunt, I don't know what you mean; when you talk intelligibly, I'll answer you. Eust. Seriously, madam, this is carrying the jest a little too far. Mrs. D. What, then, I did not catch you together off to-night, nor find the bundles packed up— in her chamber, nor overhear your design of going Eust. Ha, ha, ha! Luc. Why, aunt, you rave. Mrs. D. Brother, as I am a Christian woman, she confessed the whole affair to me from first to last; and in this very place was down upon her marrowbones for half an hour together, to beg I would conceal it from you. Hodge. Oh Lord ! Oh Lord ! Mrs. D. What, sirrah, would you brazen me too? Take that. [Boxes his ears.] Hodge. I wish you would keep your hands to yourself! You strike me, because you have been telling his worship stories. Jus. W. Why, sister, you are tipsy ! Mrs. D. I tipsy, brother! I-that never touch a drop of any thing strong from year's end to year's end; but now and then, a little anniseed water, when I have got the cholic. Luc. Well, aunt, you have been complaining of the stomach-ache all day; and may have taken too powerful a dose of your cordial. Jus. W. Come, come, I see well enough how it is: this is a lie of her own invention, to make herself appear wise: but, you simpleton, did you not know I must find you out? Enter Sir WILLIAM MEADOWS, HAWTHORN, ROSETTA, and Young MEADOWS. Young M. Bless me, sir! look who is yonder. Sir W. Cocksbones! Jack, honest Jack, are you there? Eust. Plague on't, this rencounter is unlucky; sir William, your servant. Sir W. Your servant, again and again, heartily your servant; may I never do an ill turn, but I am glad to meet you. Jus. W. Pray, sir William, are you acquainted with this person? Sir W. What, with Jack Eustace? why he's my kinsman: his mother and I were cousin-germans once removed, and Jack's a very worthy young fellow; may I never do an ill turn, if I tell a word of a lie. Jus. W. Well but, sir William, let me tell you, you know nothing of the matter; this man is a music-master; a thrummer of wire, and a scraper of catgut, and teaches my daughter to sing. Sir W. What, Jack Eus.ace a music master! no, no: I know him better. Eust. 'Sdeath, why should I attempt to carry on this absurd farce any longer? what that gentleman tells you is very true, sir; I am no music-master, indeed. Jus. W. You are not? you own it then? Eust. Nay more, sir, I am, as this lady has represented me, [Pointing to Mrs. DEBORAH.]—your daughter's lover: whom, with her own consent, I did intend to have carried off this night; but now that sir William Meadows is here, to tell you who and what I am, I throw myself upon your generosity; from which I expect greater advantages than I could reap from any imposition on your unsuspicious nature. Mrs. D. Well, brother, what have you to say for yourself now? You have made a precious day's work of it! Had my advice been taken-Oh, I am ashamed of you; but you are a weak man, and it can't be help'd; however, you should let wiser heads direct you. Luc. Dear papa, pardon me. Sir W. Ay, do, sir, forgive her; my cousin Jack will make her a good husband, I'll answer for it. Ros. Stand out of the way, and let me speak two or three words to his worship. Come, my dear sir, though you refuse all the world, I am sure you can deny me nothing. Love is a venial fault. You know what I mean. Be reconciled to your daughter, I conjure you, by the memory of our past affections. What, not a word? AIR. Go, naughty man, I can't abide you; Ah! now I see if I had tried you, What would have been my hopeful lot. But here I charge you,—make them happy; Bless the fond pair, and crown their bliss: Mrs. D. Why I'm sure he's a vagabond. Jus. W. I like him the better; I would have him a vagabond. Mrs. D. Brother, brother! Haw. Come, come, madam, all's very well; and I see my neighbour is what I always thought him, a man of sense and prudence. Sir W. May I never do an ill turn, but I say so too. Jus. W. Here, young fellow, take my daughter, and bless you both together; but hark you, no money till I die. Sister Deborah, you're a fool. Mrs. D. Ah, brother, brother, you're a silly old man. [Exit. LIONEL AND CLARISSA; AN OPERA, IN THREE ACTS, BY ISAAC BICKERSTAFF DRAMATIS PERSONE. SIR JOHN FLOWERDALE LIONEL JESSAMY HARMAN JENKINS LADY MARY OLDBOY ACT I. SCENE I.-A Chamber in Colonel Oldboy's house Colonel OLDBOY is discovered at breakfast, reading a newspaper; at a little distance from the teatable, siis JENKINS; and on the opposite side, DIANA, who appears playing upon a harpsichord. A Girl attending. Col. Well said Dy, thank you Dy. This, master Jenkins, is the way I make my daughter entertain me every morning at breakfast. Come here and kiss me, you slut; come here and kiss me, you oaggage. Dia. Lord, papa, you call one such names Col. A fine girl, master Jenkins; a devilish fine girl! she has got my eye to a twinkle. There's fire for you-spirit!-I design to marry her to a duke: how much money do you think a duke would expect with such a wench? Jenk. Why, Colonel, with submission, I think there is no occasion to go out of our own country here; we have never a duke in it, I believe, but we have many an honest gentleman, who, in my opinion, might deserve the young lady. Col. So, you would have me marry Dy to a country 'squire, eh! How say you to this, Dy? would not you rather be married to a duke? Dia. So my husband's a rake, papa, I don't care what he is. Col. A rake! you d-d confounded little baggage; why you would not wish to marry a rake, would you? So her husband is a rake, she does not care what he is! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Dia. Well, but listen to me, papa: when you go out with your gun, do you take any pleasure in shooting the poor tame ducks and chickens in your yard? No, the partridge, the pheasant, the woodcock, are the game; there is some sport in bringing them down, because they are wild; and it is just the same with an husband or a lover. I would not pretty-behaved gentlemen; but to hit a libertine, waste powder and shot, to wound one of your sober, extravagant, madcap fellow, to take him upon the wingCol. Do you hear her, master Jenkins? Ha, ha, ha! Jenk. Well, but, good Colonel, what do you say to my worthy and honourable patron here, Sir John Flowerdale? He has an estate of eight thousand pounds a year, as well paid rents as any in the kingdom, and but one only daughter to enjoy it; and yet he is willing, you see, to give this daughter to your son. Dia. Pray, Mr. Jenkins, how does Miss Clarissa and our university friend, Mr. Lionel? That is the only grave young man I ever liked, and the only handsome one I ever was acquainted with, that did not make love to me. Col. Ay, master Jenkins, who is this Lionel ? finey say he is a d-d witty, knowing fellow; and egad, I think him well enough for one brought up in à college. Jenk. His father was a general officer, a particular friend of Sir John's; who, like many more brave men, that live and die in defending their country, left little else than honour behind him. Sir John sent this young man, at his own expense, to Oxford; during the vacation, he is come to pay us a visit, and Sir John intends that he shall shortly take orders for a very considerable benefice in the gift of the family, the present incumbent of which is an aged man. Dia. The last time I was at your house, he was | had, master Jenkins, I would no more have suffered teaching Miss Clarissa mathematics and philosophy. Lord, what a strange brain I have! If I was to sit down to distract myself with such studies Col. Go, hussy, let some of your brother's rascals | inform their master that he has been long enough at his toilet; here is a message from Sir John Flowerdale. You a brain for mathematics indeed! We shall have women wanting to head our regiments to-morrow or next day. Dia. Well, papa, and suppose we did. I believe, in a battle of the sexes, you men would hardly get the better of us. Col. Well, master Jenkins, don't you think now that a nobleman, a duke, an earl, or a marquis, might be content to share his title? I say, you understand me-with a sweetener of thirty or forty thousand pounds. to pay off mortgages ? Besides, there is a prospect of my whole estate; for I dare swear, her brother will never have any children. Jenk. I should be concerned at that, Colonel, when there are two such fortunes to descend to his heirs, as vour's and Sir John Flowerdale's. Col. Why look you, master Jenkins; Sir John Flowerdale is an honest gentleman; our families are nearly related; we have been neighbours time out of mind; and if he and I have an odd dispute now and then, it is not for want of a cordial esteem at bottom. He is going to marry his daughter to my son; she is a beautiful girl, an elegant girl, a sensible girl, a worthy girl; and-a word in your ear-d-n me if I an't very sorry for her. Jenk. Sorry, Colonel ! him to be made such a monkey of! He has been in my house but three days, and it is all turned topsyturvy by him and his rascally servants; then his chamber is like a perfumer's shop, with wash-balls, pastes, and pomatum-and, do you know, he had the impudence to tell me yesterday, at my own table, that I did not know how to behave myself! Jenk. Pray, Colonel, how does my lady Mary? Col. What, my wife? in the old way, master Jenkins; always complaining; ever something the matter with her head, or her back, or her legs: but we have had the devil to pay lately-she and I did not speak to one another for three weeks. Jen. How so, sir? Col. A little affair of jealousy. You must know my game-keeper's daughter has had a child, and the plaguy baggage takes it into her head to lay it to me. Upon my soul, it is a fine fat, chubby infant as ever I set my eyes on: I have sent it to nurse; and, between you and me, I believe I shall leave it a fortune. Jenk. Ah, Colonel, you will never give over. Col. You know my lady has a pretty vein of poetry: she writ me an heroic epistle upon it, where she calls me her dear, false Damon; so I let her cry a little, promised to do so no more, and now we are as good friends as ever. Jenk. Well, Colonel, I must take my leave; I have delivered my message, and Sir John may expect the pleasure of your company to dinner. Col. Ay, ay, we'll come-plague o' ceremony among friends. But won't you stay to see my son? I have sent to him, and suppose he will be here as soon as his valet-de-chambre will give him leave. Jenk. There is no occasion, good sir: present my humble respects, that's all. Col. Well but, zounds! Jenkins, you must not go till you drink something; let you and I have a bottle of hock. Jenk. Not for the world, Colonel; I never touch any thing strong in the morning. Col. Never touch any thing strong! Why one bottle won't hurt you, man; this is old, and as mild Col. Ay-between ourselves, master Jenkins, my as milk. son won't do. Jenk. How do you mean? Col. I tell you, master Jenkins, he won't do-he is not the thing-a prig. At sixteen years old, or thereabouts, he was a bold, sprightly boy, as you should see in a thousand; could drink his pint of port, or his bottle of claret-now he mixes all his wine with water. Jenk. Oh! if that be his only fault, Colonel, he will ne'er make the worse husband, I'll answer for it. Col. You know my wife is a woman of quality—I was prevailed upon to send him to be brought up by her brother, lord Jessamy, who had no children of his own, and promised to leave him an estate: he has got the estate indeed, but the fellow has taken his lordship's name for it. Now, master Jenkins, I would be glad to know, how the name of Jessamy is better than that of Oldboy? Jenk. Well ! but, Colonel, it is allowed on all hands, that his lordship has given your son an excellent education. Col. Psha! he sent him to the university, and to travel, forsooth; but what of that? I was abroad, and at the university myself, and never a rush the better for either. I quarrelled with his lordship about six years before his death, and so had not an opportunity of seeing how the youth went on; if I Jenk. Well, but, Colonel, pray excuse me. SONG. To tell you the truth, And I did as younkers did. I must those freaks forbear; 'Twirt and me, you A man grows worse for wear. [Erit. Enter Mr. JESSAMY, Lady MARY OLDBOY, and Maid. Lady M. Shut the door; why don't you shut the door there? Have you a mind I should catch my death ? This house is absolutely the cave of Eolus; one had as good live on the eddy-stone, or in a windmill. Mr. Jes. I thought they told your ladyship that there was a messenger here from Sir John Flowerdale. Col. Well, sir, and so there was, but he had not |