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Lo me. Marry her, sr! [Confused great displeasure. What's best to be done? Let dar As, marry her, sir! I know very well, that me see. Suppose I get Sir John Melvil to interest⠀⠀ a warm vorerà uz tes from such a dangerous young himself in this affair. He may mention it to Lord Ruark as you are, would go math further towards | Ogieby with a better grace than I can, and more tierisad lg a sine gir, to do what she has more than probably prevail on him to interfere in it. I can mathi ma 15 do, than twenty grave lectures open my mind also more freely to Sir John. He sipers, of mothers, or uncles, or aunts, to pre- I told me, when I left him in town, that he had same. But you would not, sure, be such a base 1 thing of consequence to communicate, and that I a trearberus young mgae, as to seduce, could be of use to him. I am glad of it: for the confidence he reposes in me, and the service I m do him, will ensure me his good offices. Pa Fanny! it hurts me to see her so uneasy, and be making a mystery of the cause adds to my anty Something must be done upon her account; for, at ali events, her solicitude shall be removed. (Esil
my daughter's affections, and destroy the peace of my fam...y in that manner. I must insist on it, that yla zive de y ar word not to marry her without my
Lite. Str—I—I—as to that-I-I-beg. sir,Pray, sur, extase me in this subject at present.
S: -. Prime, then, that you will carry this matter no further without my approbation.
Love You may depend on it, sir, that it shall go no further.
Se Well, well, that's en-agh. I'll take care of the rest. I warrast you. Come, come, let's have duce with this nɛnsense! What's doing in town? Any news on 'Change? Lie. Nothing material. Ster. Have you seen the currants, the soap, and Made.ra, safe in the warehouse? Have you compared the gods with the invoice, and bills of lading, and are they all night? Lore. They are, sir.
Ster. And how are stocks?
Le Feli one and a half this morning. Ster. Well, well; some good news from America, and they'll be up again. But how are Lord Ogieby and Sir John Meivil? When are we to expect them?
SCENE II-Miss Sterling's Dressing-room.
Miss STERLING and FANNY discovered.
Mir S. O, my dear sister, say no more. This is downright hypocrisy. You shall never convince me that you don't envy me beyond measure. Well, after all, it is extremely natural. It is impossible to be angry with you.
Fan. Indeed, sister, you have no cause.
Mus S. And you really pretend not to envy me?
Miss 8. And you don't in the least wish that you was just in my situation?
Fan. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I ? Miss S. Why should you? What! on the brink of marriage, fortune. title! But I had forgot: there's that dear, sweet creature, Mr. Lovewell, in the case. You would not break your faith with your true-love now for the world, I warrant you.
Fan. Mr. Lovewell! always Mr. Lovewell! Lord! what signifies Mr. Lovewell, sister?
Miss S. Pretty, peevish soul! O, my dear, grave, romantic sister! a perfect philosopher in petticoats! Love, and a cottage! eh, Fanny! Ah, give me indifference and a coach and six!
Love. Very soon, sir. I came on purpose to bring you their commands. Here are letters from both of [Giving letters. th: m. Ster. Let me see; let me see. 'Slife! how his lordship's letter is perfumed! It takes my breath away. Opening it. And French paper too!-with a slippery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. "My dear Mr. Sterling”— Reading.]—Mercy on me! his Fan. And why not a coach and six without the lordship writes a worse hand than a boy at his ex-indifference? But pray, when is this happy marercise.-But how's this? Eh! "With you to-night-riage of your's to be celebrated? I long to give you Lawyers to-morrow morning.”—To-night! That's joy. sudden indeed. Where's my sister Heidelberg? Miss S. In a day or two: I cannot tell exactly. She should know of this immediately. Here, John! Harry! Thomas! [Calls the Servants.] Harkye, Lovewell!
Ster. Mind, now, now I'll entertain his lordship and Sir John. We'll show your fellows at the other end of the town how we live in the city. They shall eat gold, and drink gold, and lie in gold. Here, cook! butler! [Calling.] What signifies your birth, and education, and title? Money, money! that's the stuff that makes the great man in this country. Love. Very true, sir.
Ster. True, sir! Why then have done with your nonsense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind nothing but his business. Where are these fellows? John! Thomas! Calling.] Get an estate, and a wife will follow of course.-Ah! Lovewell! an English merchant is the most respectable character in the universe. 'Slife! man, a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the daughter of a nabob. Where are all my rascals? [Erit calling. Love. So; as I suspected: quite averse to the match, and likely to receive the news of it with
Oh, my dear sister! I must mortify her a little.
Fan. Extremely handsome, and well fancied. Miss S. What d'ye think of these bracelets? I shall have a miniature of my father set round with diamonds to one, and Sir John's to the other; and this pair of ear-rings, set transparent. Here, the tops, you see, will take off, to wear in a morning, or in an undress: how d'ye like them?
Fan. Very much, I assure you. Bless me, sister! you have a prodigious quantity of jewels: you'll b the very queen of diamonds.
Miss S. Ha, ha, ha! very well, my dear! I shall be as fine as a little queen indeed. I have a bouquet to come home to-morrow, made up of diamonds, and rubies, and emeralds, and topazes, and ame thysts; jewels of all colours, green, red, blue, yellow, intermixed; the prettiest thing you ever saw in your life! The jeweller says I shall set out with as many diamonds as anybody in town, except Lady Brilliant, and Polly What-d'ye-call-it, Lord Squan, der's kept mistress.
Fan. But what are your wedding clothes, sister?
Miss S. O, white and silver, to be sure, you know. I bought them at Sir Joseph Lutestring's, and sat above an hour in the parlour behind the shop, consulting Lady Lutestring about gold and silver stuffs, on purpose to mortify her.
Fan. Fie, sister! how could you be so abominably provoking?
Miss S. Oh, I have no patience with the pride of your city-knights' ladies. Did you ever observe the airs of Lady Lutestring, dressed in the richest brocade out of her husband's shop, playing crown whist at Haberdashers'-hall; whilst the civil smirking Sir Joseph, with a snug wig trimmed round his broad face as close as a new cut yew hedge, and his shoes so black that they shine again, stands all day in his shop, fastened to his counter like a bad shilling? Fan. Indeed, indeed, sister, this is too much. If you talk at this rate, you will be absolutely a byeword in the city. You must never venture on the inside of Temple-bar again.
Miss S. Never do I desire it: never, my dear Fanny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to the dear regions of Grosvenor-square! far, far from the dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candlewick, and Farringdon Without and Within! My heart goes pit-a-pat at the very idea of being introduced at court. Gilt chariot! pieballed horses! laced liveries! and then the whispers buzzing round the circle-"Who is that young lady? Who is she?" "Lady Melvil, ma'am !"-Lady Melvil! my ears tingle at the sound. And then at dinner, instead of my father perpetually asking, "Any news upon 'Change?" to cry, "Well, Sir John! anything new from Arthur's?" or to say to some other woman of quality, "Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last night? Did you call at Lady Thunder's? In the immensity of crowd, I swear I did not see you. Scarce a soul at the Opera last Saturday. Shall I see you at Carlisle-house next Thursday?" Oh, the dear beau monde! I was born to move in the sphere of the great world.
Fan. And so, in the midst of all this happiness, you have no compassion for me; no pity for us poor mortals in common life.
Mrs. H. Well, but mind what I say to you.
Mrs. H. His lordship is to lie in the chintz bed. chamber; d'ye hear? and Sir John in the blue damask-room: his lordship's valet-de-chamb in the opposite.
Trus. But Mr. Lovewell is come down; and you know that's his room, ma'am.
Mrs. H. Well, well; Mr. Lovewell may make shift, or get a bed at the George. But harkye, Trusty.
Mrs. H. And mind, as soon as his lordship comes in, be sure you set all their heads a-nodding. Trus. Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. H. Be gone, then! fly, this instant! Where's my brother, Sterling?
Trus. Talking to the butler, ma'am.
Mrs. H. Very well. [Exit TRUSTY.] Miss Fanny, pertest I did not see you before. Lord, child! what's the matter with you?
Fan. With me? nothing, ma'am.
Mrs. H. Bless me! why your face is as pale, and black, and yellow-of fifty colours, I vow and pertest. And then you have drest yourself as loose and as big! I declare, there is not such a thing to be seen now, as a young woman with a fine waist. You all make yourselves as round as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child! You know the qualaty will be here by
Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen. [Exit FANNY.] She is gone away in tears; absolutely crying, I vow and pertest. This ridicalous love! we must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl.
Miss S. Poor soul! she can't help it. [Affectedly. Mrs. H. Well, my dear; now I shall have an opportunity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to you.
Miss S. Affectedly.] You? You're above pity.and-by. You would not change conditions with me. You're over head and ears in love, you know. Nay, for that matter, if Mr. Lovewell and you come together, as I doubt not you will, you will live very comfortably, I dare say. He will mind his business; you'll employ yourself in the delightful care of your family; and once in a season, perhaps, you'll sit together in a front box at a benefit play, as we used to do at our dancing-master's, you know; and perhaps I may meet you in the summer, with some other citizens, Miss S. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. at Tunbridge. For my part, I shall always enter-But indeed, ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that tain a proper regard for my relations. Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant want my countenance, I assure you. civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of Fan. Oh, you're too kind, sister! esteem for me and the whole family. I have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow.
Enter Mrs. HEIDelberg.
Mrs. H. Here this evening! I vow and pertest we shall scarce have time to provide for them. Oh, my dear! [To Miss STERLING.] I am glad to see you're not quite in a dish-abille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be here to-night.
Miss S. Tonight, ma'am?
Mrs. H Yes, my dear; to-night. Oh, put on a smarter cap, and change those ordinary ruffles. Lord! I have such a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip on my Italian lutestring. Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper?
Mrs. H. Oh, fie, my dear; I am perfectly ashamed of you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister. What you complain of as coldness and indiffarence, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his address; an exact pictur of the manners of qualaty.
Miss S. O, he is the very mirror of complaisance; full of formal bows and set speeches. I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jealous of him.
Mrs. H. Jealous! I say jealous, indeed. Jealous of who, pray?
Cham. Miss Fanny! The most affablest, and the most best-natur'd creter!
Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or so. Cham. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn himself; but this I say quite confidential to you; for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. Sips.]
Brush. By no means; but you cannot hurt it with We don't consider tempers: we want money, Mrs. Nancy. Give us plenty of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars; ha, ha, ha!
Cham. Bless me, here's somebody! [Bell rings.] Oh, 'tis my lord! Well, your servant, Mr. Brush. I'll clean the cups in the next room.
Brush. Do so; but never mind the bell: I sha'n't go this half hour. Will you drink tea with me in the afternoon?
Cham. Not for the world, Mr. Brush. I'll be here to set all things to rights; but I must not drink tea indeed; and so, your servant.
[Exit, with teaboard. Bell rings again. Brush. Yes, yes; I hear you. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the country for a week, without some little flirting with the abigails. This is much the handsomest wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for her. [Bell rings.] O, my lord [Going.
Enter CANTON, with newspapers in his hand. Can. Monsieur Brush! Maistre Brush! my lor stirra, yet?
Brush. He has just rung his bell: I am going to him. Erit. Can. Depechez vous donc. [Puts on his specta cles.] I wish de deveil had all dese papiers. I forget as fast as I read. De Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Chronique, and so dey all go l'un après l'autre. I must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'll be enragé contre moi. Voyons! [Reads the paper.] Here is noting but Anti-Sejanus and advertise
Enter Maid with chocolate things.
Vat you want, chil?
Maid. Only the chocolate things, sir. Can. O, ver well; dat is good girl and very prit too. [Exit Maid. Lord O. [Within.] Canton! he, he! [Coughs.] Canton ! have no
Can. I come, my-Vat shall I do? I news: he will make great tintamarre! Lord O. [Within.] Canton! I say, Where are you?
Enter Lord OGLEBY, leaning on BRUSH.
Can. Here, my lor! have not finish de papiers. Lord O. D-n your pardon and your papiers; I want you here, Canton.
Can. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. [Lord OGLEBY leans upon CANTON too, and comes forward.
Lord O. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mixture: you have the language and the impertinence of the French, with the laziness of Dutchmen. Can. 'Tis very true, my lor; I can't help― Lord O. [Cries out.] O'Diavolo!
Can. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor? Lord O. Indeed, but I am, my lor. That vulgar fellow, Sterling, with his city politeness, would lorce me down his slope last night to see a clay
coloured ditch, which he calls a canal; and what with the dew and the east wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed to my body. Can. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vil set all to right.
[Lord OGLEBY sits down, and BRUSH gives chocolate.
Lord O. Where are the palsy drops, Brush? Brush. Here, my lord! [Fours out.
Lord O. Quelle nouvelle avez vous, Canton? Can. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord O. What! nothing at all, you stupid fellow? Can. Oui, my lor, I have little advertise here vil give you more plaisir den all de lies about noting at all. La voila! [Puts on his spectacles. Lord O. Come, read it, Canton, with good emphasis, and good discretion.
Can. vil, my lor. Reads.] Dere is no question but dat de cosmétique royale vil utterly take away all heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and likewise de wrinque of old age, &c. &c. A great deal more, my lor. Be sure to ask for de cosmetique royale, signed by de docteur own hand. Dere is more raison for dis caution dan good men vil tink. Eh bien, my lor?
Lord O. Eh bien, Canton! Will you purchase
Can. [With his spectacles.] En verité, non. very smooth and brillian; but tote dat you might take a littel by way of prevention.
Lord O. You thought like an old fool, monsieur, as you generally do. Try it upon your own face, Canton; and if it has any effect, the doctor cannot have a better proof of the efficacy of his nostrum. The surfeit water, Brush! [Brush pours out.] What do you think, Brush, of this family we are going to be connected with? Eh!
Brush. Very well to marry in, my lord; but it would never do to live with.
Lord O. You are right, Brush; there is no washing the blackmoor white. Mr. Sterling will never get rid of Blackfriars; always taste of the Borachio; and the poor woman, his sister, is so busy, and so notable, to make one welcome, that I have not yet got over the fatigue of her first reception; it almost amounted to suffocation! I think the daughters are tolerable. Where's my cephalic snuff?
BRUSH gives him a bor. Can. Dey tink so of you, my lor; for dey look at noting else, ma foi.
Lord O. Did they? Why, I think they did a little. Where's my glass? [BRUSH puts one on the table.] The youngest is delectable. [Takes snuff. Can. O oui, my lor, very delect inteed; she made doux yeux at you, my lor.
Lord O. She was particular. The eldest, my nephew's lady, will be a most valuable wife; she has all the vulgar spirits of her father and aunt happily blended with the termagant qualities of her deceased mother. Some peppermint-water, Brush. How happy is it, Canton, for young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook everything in their marriage contract but their fortune.
Can. C'est bien heureux, et commode aussi.
bedside. Brush goes for it.] Canton, do you wait in the aute-chamber, and let nobody interrupt me till I call you.
Can. Mush good may do your lordship. [Erit. Lord O. [To BRUSH, who brings the pamphlet.] And now, Brush, leave me a little to my studies. [Ent BRUSH.] What can I possibly do among these women here, with this confounded rheumatism? It is a most grievous enemy to gallantry and address. [Gets off his chair.] Eh! courage, my lor! by heavens, I'm another creature! [Hums and dances a little. It will do, faith! Bravo, my lor! These girls have absolutely inspired me. If they are for a game of romps; me voilà prêt! [Sings and dances.] Oh! that's an ugly twinge; but it's gone. I have rather too much of the lily this morning in my complexion; a faint tincture of the rose will give a delicate spirit to my eyes for the day. [Unlocks a drawer at the bottom of the glass, and takes out rouge; while he is painting himself, a knocking at the door.] Who's there? I won't be disturb'd.
Can. [Within.] My lor! my lor! here is Monsieur Sterling, to pay his devoir to you this morn in your chambre.
Lord O. What a fellow! [Softly.] I am extremely honoured by Mr. Sterling. Why don't you see him in, monsieur? [Aloud.] I wish he was at the bottom of his stinking canal. Sofily.] Door opens.] Oh, my dear Mr. Sterling, you do me a great deal
Enter STERLING and LOVEWELL.
Ster. I hope, my lord, that your lordship slept well last night. I believe there are no better beds in Europe than I have. I spare no pains to get them, nor money to buy them. His majesty, God bless him! don't sleep upon a better out of his palace; and if I had said in too, I hope no treason, my lord.
Lord O. Your beds are like everything else about you, incomparable! They not only make one rest well, but give one spirits, Mr. Sterling.
Ster. What say you then, my lord, to another walk in the garden? You must see my water by day-light, and my walks, and my slopes, and my clumps, and my bridge, and my flowering trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips. Matters look'd but dim last night, my lord. I feel the dew in my great toe; but I would put on a cut shoe, that I might be able to walk you about: I may be laid up to-morrow. Lord O. I pray heaven you may. Aside. Ster. What say you, my lord?
Lord O. I was saying, sir, that I was in hopes of seeing the young ladies at breakfast: Mr. Sterling, they are, in my mind, the finest tulips in this part of the world; he, he, he, he!
Can. Bravissimo, mi lor! ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ster. They shall meet your lordship in the garden; we won't lose our walk for them; I'll take you a little round before breakfast, and a larger before dinner; and in the evening you shall go the grand tour, as I call it; ha, ha, ha!
Lord O. Not a foot, I hope, Mr. Sterling; consider your gout, my good friend: you'll eertainly be laid by the heels for your politeness; he, he, he!
Can. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis admirable, en verite!
Ster. If my young man here [to LOVEWELL.] would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as mounseer does at your's, my lord, we should be all life and mirth.
Lord O. What say you, Canton, will you take my kinsman into your tuition? You have certainly the
most companionable laugh I ever met with, and never out of tune.
Can. But when your lordship is out of spirits Lord O. Well said, Canton! But here comes my nephew, to play his part.
Enter Sir JOHN MELVIL
Well, Sir John, what news from the island of love? Have you been sighing and serenading this morning' Sir J. I am glad to see your lordship in such rits this morning.
Lord O. I'm sorry to see you so dull, sir. Wh poor things, Mr. Sterling, these very young fellows are! They make love with faces as if they were burying the dead; though, indeed, a marriage sometimes may be properly called a burying of the liv ing; eh, Mr. Sterling?
Ster. Not if they have enough to live upon, my lord; ha, ha, ha!
Can. Dat is all Monsieur Sterling tink of Sir J. Pr'ythee, Lovewell, come with me into the garden; I have something of consequence for you, and I must communicate it directly.
[Apart to LovEWELL. Love. We'll go together. Apart.] If your lordship and Mr. Sterling please, we'll prepare the ladies to attend you in the garden.
[Exeunt Sir JOHN MELVIL and LOVEWELL. Ster. My girls are always ready; I make them rise soon, and to bed early; their husbands shall have them with good constitutions and good fortunes. if they have nothing else, my lord.
Lord O. Fine things, Mr. Sterling!
Ster. Fine things, indeed, my lord! Ah, my lord, had you not run off your speed in your youth, you had not been so crippled in your age, my lord. Lord O. Very pleasant; he, he, he!
Ster. Here's mounseer now, I suppose, is pretty near your lordship's standing; but having little to eat, and little to spend in his own country, he'll wear three of your lordship out. Eating and drinking kills us all.
Lord O. Very pleasant, I protest. What a vulgar dog! [Ande. Can. My lor so old as me! He is chicken to me; and look like a boy to pauvre me.
Ster. Ha, ha, ha! Well said, mounseer: keep to that, and you'll live in any country of the world. Ha, ha, ha! But, my lord, I will wait upon you in the garden; we have but a little time to breakfast. I'll go for my hat and cane, fetch a little walk with you, and then for the hot rolls and butter! [Erit Lord O. I shall attend you with pleasure. Hot rolls and butter in July! I sweat with the thoughts of it.
Can. C'est un barbare.
Lord O. He is a vulgar dog; and if there was not so much money in the family, which I can't do without, I would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly. Come along, monsieur! [Eri
SCENE II.-The Garden.
Enter Sir JOHN MELVIL and LOVEWELL. Love. In my room this morning? Impossible. Sir J. Before five this morning, I promise you. Love. On what occasion?
Sir J. I was so anxious to disclose my mind to you that I could not sleep in my bed; but I found that you could not sleep neither. The bird was flown, and the nest long since cold. Where was you, Lovewell?