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LETTER

IV.

Dublin, April 13, 1731.

OUR fituation is an odd one; the Duchefs is your Treasurer, and Mr. Pope tells me you are the Duke's. And I had gone a good way in fome Verses on that occafion, prescribing leffons to direct your conduct, in a negative way, not to do fo and fo, &c. like other Treasures; how to deal with Servants, Tenants, or neighbouring Squires, which I take to be Courtiers, Parliaments, and Princes in alliance, and fo the parallel goes on, but grows too long to please me: I prove that Poets are the fittest persons to be treasurers and managers to great perfons, from their virtue, and contempt of money, &c. Pray, why did you not get a new heel to your shoe? unless you would make your court at St. James's by affecting to imitate the Prince of Lilliput. - But the rest of your letter being wholly taken up in a very bad character of the Duchefs, I fhall fay no more to you, but apply myself to her Grace.

Madam, fince Mr. Gay affirms that you love to have your own way, and fince I have the fame perfection; I will fettle that matter immediately, to prevent thofe ill confequences he apprehends. Your Grace fhall have your own way, in all places except your own houfe, and the domains about it. There and there only, I expect to have mine, fo that you have all the world to reign in, bating only two or three hundred acres, and two or three houses in town and country. I will likewife, out of my special grace, certain knowledge, and mere motion, allow you to be in the right against all human kind, except myself, and to be never in the wrong but when you differ from

me. You fhall have a greater privilege in the third article of fpeaking your mind; which I fhall graciously allow you now and then to do even to myself, and only rebuke you when it does not please me.

Madam, I am now got as far as your Grace's letter, which having not read this fortnight (having been out of town, and not daring to trust myself with the carriage of it) the presumptuous manner in which you begin had flipt out of my memory. But I forgive you to the feventeenth line, where you begin to banish me for ever, by demanding me to answer all the good Character fome partial friends have given me. Madam, I have lived fixteen years in Ireland, with only an intermission of two summers in England; and confequently am fifty years older than I was at the Queen's death, and fifty - thousand times duller, and fifty-million times more peevish, perverfe, and morofe, fo that under thefe difadvantages I can only pretend to excel all your other acquaintance about fome twenty barrs length. Pray, Madam, have you a clear voice? and will you let me fit at your left hand at leaft within three of you, for of two bad ears, my right is the best? My Groom tells me that he likes your park, but your house is too little. Can the Parfon of the parish play at backgammon, and hold his tongue? is any one of your Women a good nurse, if I should fancy myfelf fick for four and twenty- hours? how many days will you maintain me and my equipage? When these preliminaries are settled, I must be very poor, very fick, or dead, or to the last degree unfortunate, if I do not attend you at Aimíbury. For, I profefs you are the first Lady that ever I defired to fee, fince the first of August 1714, and I have forgot the date when that defire grew ftrong upon me, but I know I was not then in England, elfe I would have gone

on foot for that happiness as far as to your house in Scotland. But I can foon recollect the time, by afking fome Ladies here the month, the day, and the hour when I began to endure their company' ? which however I think was a fign of my ill judgment, for I do not perceive they mend in any thing but envying or admiring your Grace. I diflike nothing in your letter but an affected apology for bad writing, bad fpelling, and a bad pen, which you pretend Mr. Gay found fault with, wherein you affront Mr. Gay you affront me, and you affront yourfelf. Falfe fpelling is only excufable in a Chambermaid, for I would not pardon it in any of your Waiting - women. Pray God preferve your Grace and family, and give me leave to expect that you will be so just to remember me among thofe who have the greatest regard for virtue, goodness, prudence, courage and generofity; after which you must conclude that I am with the greatest respect and gratitude, Madam, your Grace's moft obedient and moft humble fervant, &c.

To Mr. GA Y.

I have just got yours of February 24, with a postfcript by Mr. Pope. I am in great concern for him: I find Mr. Pope dictated to you the first part, and with great difficulty fome days after added the rest. I fee his weakness by his hand-writing. How much does his philofophy exceed mine? I could not bear to fee him: I will write to him foon.

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LETTER V.

Dublin, Jun. 29, 1731.

VER fince I receiv'd your letter, I have been upon a balance about going to England, and landing at Bristol, to pass a month at Aimsbury, as the Duchefs hath given me leave. But many difficulties have interfered; first, I thought I had done with my law-fuit, and fo did all my lawyers, but my adversary, after being in appearance a Proteftant these twenty years, hath declared he was always a Papist, and consequently by the law here, cannot buy nor (I think) fell; so that I am at sea again, for almost all I am worth. But I have ftill a worse evil; for the giddinefs I was fubject to, instead of coming feldom and violent, now conftantly attends me more or lefs, tho' in a more peaceable manner, yet fuch as will not qualify me to live among the young and healthy: and the Duchefs, in all her youth, fpirit, and grandeur, will make a very ill nurfe, and her women not much better. Valetudinarians must live where they can command, and fcold; I must have horses to ride, I must go to bed and rise when I please, and live where all mortals are fubfervient to me. I must talk nonfenfe when I please, and all who are prefent must commend it. I must ride thrice a week, and walk three or four miles befides, every day.

Mr.

was good for nothing but I care not whether he ever

I always told you to be a rank Courtier.

writes to me or no. He and you may tell this to the Duchefs, and I hate to see you so charitable, and

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LETTERS TO AND

fuch a Cully; and yet I love you for it, because I am one myself.

You are the fillieft lover in Christendom: If you like Mrs. why do you not command her to take you? if she does not, fhe is not worth pursuing; you do her too much honour; fhe hath neither fenfe nor taste, if fhe dares to refuse you, though she had ten thousand pounds. I do not remember to have told you of thanks that you have not given, nor do I understand your meaning, and I am fute I had never the least thoughts of any myfelf. If I am your friend, it is for my own reputation, and from a principle of felf-love, and I do fometimes reproach you for not honouring me by letting the world know we are friends.

I fee very well how matters go with the Duchefs in regard to me. I heard her fay, Mr. Gay, fill your letter to the Dean, that there may be no room for me, the frolic is gone far enough, I have writ thrice, I will do no more; if the man has a mind to come, let him come; what a clutter is here? pofitively I will not write a syllable more. She is an ungrateful Duchefs confidering how many adorers I have procured her here, over and above the thoufands fhe had before I cannot allow you rich enough till you are worth 7000 . which will bring you 300 per Annum, and this will maintain you, with the perquifite of fpunging while you are young, and when you are old will afford you a pint of port at night, two fervants, and an old maid', a little garden, and pen and ink - provided you live in the country Have you no fcheme either in verfe or profe? The Duchefs fhould keep you at hard meat, and by that means force you to write; and so I have done with you.

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