Madam,

Since I began to grow old, I have found all ladies become inconftant, without any reproach from their confcience. If I wait on you, I declare that one of your women (which ever it is that has designs upon a Chaplain) must be my nurse, if I happen to be fick or peevish at your house, and I that case you muft fufpend your domineering - Claim till I recover. Your omitting the ufual appendix to Mr. Gay's letters hath done me infinite mischief here; for while you continued them, you would wonder how civil the Ladies here were to me, and how much they have altered fince. I dare not confess that I have defcended fo low as to write to your Grace, after the abominable negle& you have been guilty of; for if they but fufpected it, I fhould lofe them all. One of them, who had an inklin of the matter (your Grace will hardly believe it) refused to beg my pardon upon her knees, for once neglecting to make my ricemilk. Pray, confider this, and do your duty, or dread the confequence. I promise you shall have your will fix minutes every hour at Aimsbury, and feven in London, while I am in health: but if I happen to be fick, I muft govern to a fecond. Yet properly speaking, there is no man alive with so much truth and respect your Grace's most obedient and devoted fervant.

LETTER VI.

Aug. 28, 1731.

You and the Duchefs ufe me very ill, for, I

profefs, I cannot diftinguish the style or the hand-writing of either. I think her Grace writes more like you than herself, and that you write more like her Grace than yourself. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Duchefs, though it is to pass for yours; because there is a curfed lie in it, that he is neither young nor healthy, and befides it perfectly refembles the part the owns. I will likewife fwear, that what I muft fuppofe is written by the Duchefs, is your hand; and thus I am puzzled and perplexed between you, but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country Parfon's, to whom I lately gave a City - living, fuch as an English Chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the public good, having two great works in hand: One to reduce the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and style of England into a short system, for the use of all persons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour 1) The other is of almost equal importance; I may call it the Whole duty of fervants, in about twenty feveral stations, from the fteward and waiting-woman down to the scullion and pantryboy 2). I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair Invitations, as 'to be happy in the best company of Eng

1) Wagstaff's Dialogues of polite Conversation, publifhed in his life time.

2) An imperfect thing of this kind, called Directions to fervants in general, has been published fince his death.

land. I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a fellow in Ireland, who from a fhoe-boy grew to be feveral times one of the chief governors, wholly illiterate, and with hardly common fenfe: A Lord Lieutenant told the first King George, that he was the greatest fubject he had in both kingdoms; and truly his character was gotten and preferved by his never appearing in England, which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchafing fixteen thousand pounds a year Why, you need not ftare: it is eafily apply'd: I must be abfent, in order to preserve my credit with her Grace Lo here comes in the Duchefs again (I know her by her dd's; but am a fool for discovering my Art) to defend herself against my conjecture of what, fhe faid Madam, I will imitate your Grace and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a bafe un-romantic spirit in me, to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, till I can finish a paltry law - fuit. It concerns indeed almost all my whole fortune; it is equal to half Mr. Pope's, and two thirds of Mr. Gay's, and about fix weeks rent of your Grace's. This curfed accident hath drill'd away the whole fummer. But, Madam, understand one thing, that I take all your ironical civilities in a literal fenfe, and whenever I have the honour to attend you, shall expect them to be literally performed: though perhaps I fhall find it hard to prove your handwriting in à Court of juftice; but that will not be much for your credit. How miferably hath your Grace been mistaken in thinking to avoid Envy by running into exile, where it haunts you more than ever it did even at Court? Non te civitas, non Regia domus in exilium miferunt, fed tu utrafque. So fays Cicero (as your Grace knows) or fo he might have faid.

I am told that the Craftsmans in one of his papers is offended with the publishers of (I suppose) the laft edition of the Dunciad; and I was asked whether you and Mr. Pope were as good friends to the new difgraced perfon as formerly? This I knew nothing of, but fuppofe it was the confequence of fome mistake. As to writing, I look on you just in the prime of life for it, the very season when judgment and invention draw together. But fchemes are perfectly accidental; fome will appear barren of hints and matter, but prove to be fruitful; and others the contrary: And what you fay, is past doubt, that every one can best find hints for himself: though it is poffible that fometimes a friend may give you a lucky one juft fuited to your own imagination. But all this is almost past with me: my invention and judgment are perpetually at fifty-cuffs, till they have quite difabled each other; and the meerest trifles I ever wrote are ferious philosophical lucubrations, in comparison to what I now busy myself about; as (to speak in the author's phrase) the world may one day fee 3).

!

LETTER VII

September 10, 1731.

IF your ramble was on horfeback, I am glad of it

of patching up a journey between stage-coaches and friends coaches: for you are as arrant a cockney as any hofier in Cheapfide. One clean fhirt with two cravats, and as many handkerchiefs, make up your

3) His ludicrous prediction was, fince his death, and very much to his difhonour, ferioufly fulfilled.

"

equipage; and as for a night-gown, it is clear from Homer, that Agamemnon rofe without one. I have often had it in my head to put it into yours, that you ought to have fome great work in fcheme, which may take up feven years to finish, befides two or three under ones, that may add another thousand pound to your stock; and then I shall be in less pain about you. I know you can find dinners, but you love twelvepenny coaches too well, without confidering that the interest of a whole thousand pounds brings you but half a crown a day. I find a greater longing than ever to come amongst you; and reason good, when I am teazed with Dukes and Ducheffes for a vifit, all my demands comply'd with, and all excufes cut off. You remember, "O happy Don "Quixotte! Queens held his horfe, and Ducheffes "pulled off his armour, or fomething to that purpofe. He was a mean - fpirited fellow; I can fay ten times more; O happy, &c. fuch a Duchefs was defigned to attend him, and fuch a Duke invited him to command his Palace. Nam iftos reges ceteros. memorale nolo, hominum mendicabula: go read your Plautus, and obferve Strobilus vaporing after he had found the pot of gold. I will have nothing to do with that Lady: I have long hated her on your account, and the more, because you are fo forgiving as not to hate her; however, fhe has good qualities enough to make her esteemed; but not one grain of feeling. I only wifh fhe were a fool. I have been feveral months writing near five hundred lines on a pleasant fubject, only to tell what my friends and enemies will fay on me after I am dead 4). I fhall finish it foon, for I add two lines every week, and

4) This has been published, and is amongst the best of his poems.