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Lord T. Gone! what way, madam?
Lady T. Half the town over, I believe, by this time.
Lord T. 'Tis well; I see ruin will make no impression, till it falls upon you.
Lady T. In short, my lord, if money is always the subject of our conversation, I shall
make you no answer.
Lord T. Madam, madam, I will be heard, and make you answer.
Desire my sister and Mr. Manly to walk up. [Exit Williams.
Lady T. My lord, you may proceed as you please; but pray what indiscretions have I committed, that are not daily practised by a hundred other women of quality?
Lord T. 'Tis not the number of ill wives, Lady T. Make me! Then I must tell you, madam, that makes the patience of a husband my lord, this is a language I have not been less contemptible; and though a bad one may used to, and I won't bear it. be the best man's lot, yet he'll make a better Lord T. Come, come, madam, you shall figure in the world, that keeps his misforbear a great deal more, before I part with you. tunes out of doors, than he that tamely keeps Lady T. My lord, if you insult me, you them within. will have as much to bear on your side, I
can assure you.
Lord T. Pooh! your spirit grows ridiculous!-you have neither honour, worth, or innocence to support it.
Lady T. I don't know what figure you may make, my lord; but I shal! have no reason to be ashamed of mine, in whatever company I may meet you.
Lord T. Be sparing of your spirit, madam;
Lady T. You'll find at least I have resent- you'll need it to support you.
Enter LADY GRACE and MANLY.
Man. Then pray make none, my lord, that may have the greater merit in obliging you. Lord T. Sister, I have the same excuse to entreat of you too.
madam, 'tis almost infamous to talk with you. Mr. Manly, I have an act of friendship to beg Lady T. I scorn your imputation and your of you, which wants more apologies than menaces. The narrowness of your heart is words can make for it. your monitor-'tis there, there, my lord, you are wounded; you have less to complain of than many husbands of an equal rank to you, Lord T. Death, madam! do you presume upon your corporeal merit, that your person's Lady G. To your request, I beg, my lord. less tainted than your mind? Is it there, there Lord T. Thus thenAs you both were alone, an honest husband can be injured? present at my ill-considered marriage, I now Have you not every other vice that can de- desire you each will be a witness of my debase your birth or stain the heart of woman? termined separation-I know, sir, your good not your health, your beauty, husband, nature, and my sister's, must be shocked at fortune, family disclaimed-for nights con- the office I impose on you; but as I don't sumed in riot and extravagance? The wanton ask your justification of my cause, so I hope does no more-if she conceals her shame, you are conscious that an ill woman can't does less; and sure the dissolute avowed, as reproach you, if you are silent on her side. sorely wrongs my honour and my quiet. Man. My lord, I never thought, till now, Lady T. I see, my lord, what sort of wife it could be difficult to oblige you. maht please you. Lord T. For you, my lady Townly, I need Lord T. Ungrateful woman! could you have not here repeat the provocations of my partsern yourself, you in yourself had seen hering with you-the world, I fear, is too well I am amazed our legislature has left no prece-informed of them-For the good lord, your dent of a divorce, for this more visible in- dear father's sake, I will still support you as ry, this adultery of the mind, as well as his daughter. As the Lord Townly's wife, that of the person! When a woman's whole you have had every thing a fond husband heart is alienated to pleasures I have no share could bestow, and, to our mutual shame I in, what is it to me, whether a black ace, or speak it, more than happy wives desire-But a powdered coxcomb, has possession of it? those indulgencies must end-state, equipage, Lady T. If you have not found it yet, my and splendour, but ill become the vices that iard, this is not the way to get possession of misuse them--The decent necessaries of life raine, depend upon it. shall be supplied, but not one article to luxury Lord T. That, madam, I have long despaired-not even the coach, that waits to carry you f. and, since our happiness cannot be mu- from hence, shall you ever use again. Your taal, 'tis fit that, with our hearts, our persons tender aunt, my Lady Lovemore, with tears, 1 should separate. This house you sleep no this morning, has consented to receive you; rein; though your content might grossly where, if time and your condition bring you upon the dishonour of a husband, yet my to a due reflection, your allowance shall be desires would starve upon the features of a wife. increased-but if you still are lavish of your
little, or pine for past licentious pleasures, father's firm commands enjoined me to make
Lord T. Fear me not.
Lord T. Oh, Manly! where has this crea-
Lord T. No, let me not (though I this mo- undone me; it added strength to my habitual ment cast her from my heart for ever), let failings, and, in a heart thus warm in wild, me not urge her punishment beyond her unthinking life, no wonder if the gentler sense crimes I know the world is fond of any tale of love was lost. that feeds its appetite of scandal; and as I am conscious severities of this kind seldom fail of imputations too gross to mention, I here, before you both, acquit her of the least sus-sure! picion raised against the honour of my bed. Lady T. What I have said, my lord, is not Therefore, when abroad her conduct may be my excuse, but my confession; my errors questioned, do her fame that justice. (give them, if you please, a harder name) Lady T. Oh, sister! cannot be defended-No, what's in its nature [Turns to Lady Grace, weeping. wrong, no words can palliate-no plea can Lord T. When I am spoken of, where, alter! What then remains in my condition, without favour, this action may be canvassed, but resignation to your pleasure? Time only relate but half my provocations, and give me can convince you of my future conduct: thereGoing. fore, till I have lived an object_of forgiveness, Lady T. Support me-save me hide me I dare not hope for pardon-The penance of from the world! a lonely, contrite life, were little to the inno[Falling on Lady Grace's Neck. cent; but, to have deserved this separation, Lord T. [Returning] I had forgot me- will strew perpetual thorns upon my pillow. You have no share in my resentment, there--Sister, farewell! [Kisses her] Your virtue fore, as you have lived in friendship with her, needs no warning from the shame that falls your parting may admit of gentler terms than on me; but when you think I have atoned my suit the honour of an injured husband. follies past, persuade your injured brother to [Offers to go out. forgive them.
up to censure.
Man. [Interposing] My lord, you must Lord T. No, madam! your errors, thus renot, shall not, leave her thus!-One moment's nounced, this instant are forgotten! So deep, stay can do your cause no wrong. If looks so due a sense of them has made you what can speak the anguish of her heart, I'll an- my utmost wishes form'd, and all my heart swer, with my life, there's something labouring has sigh'd for.-Long parted friends, that pass in her mind, that, would you bear the hear- through easy voyages of life, receive but coming, might deserve it. mon gladness in their meeting; but, from a Lord T. Consider-since we no more can shipwreck saved, we mingle tears with our meet, press not my staying to insult her. embraces. [Embraces Lady Townly. Lady T. Yet stay, my lord-the little I would Lady T. What words - what love - what say will not deserve an insult; and, undeserv-duty can repay such obligations? ed, I know your nature gives it not. But as you've called in friends to witness your resentment, let them be equal hearers of my last Lady T. Oh! till this moment never did I reply. [be it so. know, my lord, I had a heart to give you! Lord T. I shan't refuse you that, madam- Lord T. By heaven! this yielding hand, Lady T. My lord, you ever have complained when first it gave you to my wishes, presented I wanted love; but as you kindly have allowed not a treasure more desirable! -Oh, Manly! I never gave it to another, so, when you hear sister! as you have often shared in my disthe story of my heart, though you may still quiet, partake of my felicity-my new-born complain, you will not wonder at my coldness. joy! See here, the bride of my desires! This may be called my wedding-day.
Lord T. Proceed-I am attentive.
Lord T. Preserve but this desire to please, your power is endless.
Lady T. Before I was your bride, my lord, Lady G. Sister (for now, methinks, that the flattering world had talked me into beauty; name is dearer to me than ever), let me conwhich, at my glass, my youthful vanity con- gratulate the happiness that opens to you. firmed. Wild with that fame, I thought man- Man. Long, long, and mutual, may it flow! kind my slaves-I triumphed over hearts, while Lord T. To make our happiness complete, all my pleasure was their pain: yet was my my dear, join here with me to give a hand own so equally insensible to all, that, when a that amply will repay the obligatior.
Lady T. Sister, a day like thisLady G. Admits of no excuse against the general joy. [Gives her Hand to Manly. Man. A joy like mine-despairs of words to speak it.
Lord T. Ob, Manly, how the name of friend endears the brother! [Embraces him. Man. Your words, my lord, will warm me to deserve them.
Lady T. Sister, to your unerring virtue I
SHE WOULD AND SHE WOULD NOT;
Or, The hind Impostor, acted at Drury Lane 1703.
This is a very busy, sprightly, and entertaining comedy, and stil continaes a stock play. The plot of it is borrowed from Leonard's Counterfeits, and perhaps from the Novel The Trepanuer trepanned, on which that Comedy itself was built,
SCENE I.-An Inn at MADRID.
Flora. And now, madam, pray what do you propose will be the end of our journey? Hyp. Why, now I hope the end of my wishes-Don Philip, I need not tell you how far he is in my heart.
Trap. INDEED, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt in a very thin condition; thou hast neither Flora. No, your sweet usage of him told master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, you think fit to confess it; and what is it you thou hast all the ragged virtues that were re-love him for, pray?
quisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Con- Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage. tempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and think- Flora. Ah! dear pride! how we love to ing thou hast endured with the best of 'em; have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fast-see, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry ing, that is to say, positively not eating at all, another woman; nay, one he never saw. I perceive thou art a downright dunce, with Hyp. An unknown face can't have very far the same stomach, and no more philosophy engaged him.
than a hound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the
Flora. How came he to be engaged to her
Hyp. Why, I engaged him.
devil!-Let me see-this, I take it, is the most at all?
Trap. Just alighted! If they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me; hah! a couple pretty young sparks, faith!
Enter HIPOLITA and FLORA, in Men's Ha-
Hyp. To my whole sex, rather than own I loved him.
Flora. Ah! done like a woman of courage. Hyp. I could not bear the thoughts of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrender, I could have tore him piecemeal.
Flora. Ay! I warrant you, an insolentagreeable puppy. But let us hear.
Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora; you know don Philip wants no charm that can recommend Post. Have the horses pleased your honour? him. As a lover in rank and fortune, I conHyp. Very well indeed, friend; pr'ythee set fess him my superior; 'tis the thoughts of that down the portmanteau, and see that the poor has been a constant thorn upon my wishes; creatures want nothing: they have performed I never saw him in the humblest posture, but well, and deserve our care. still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank Trap. I'll take care of that, sir; here, ostler. and fortune might command me; this always [Exeunt Trappanti and Servant. stung my pride, and made me over-act it: Flora. And pray, madam, what do I deserve? nay sometimes, when his sufferings have alHyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed, most drawn the tears into my eyes, I have but I shall find a way to thank thee for't. turu'd the subject with some trifling talk, or
humm'd a spiteful tune, though I believe his my troth, right and sound, I warrant 'em ;
may remember you thought me bewitch'd, for Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere.
Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this portmanteau, and these breeches.
Flora. A notable design, no doubt; but pray let's hear it.
Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice mar
ried between 'em.
Flora. How! twice?
Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau I intend to marry myself to don Philip's new mistress, and then-I'll put off my breeches and marry him.
Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon, I have almost forgot you.
Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by I have a lodging-I can't call it a lodging neither-that is, I have asometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so here and there one makes shift, you know.-Hey! will these people never come? Hyp. You give a very good account of yourself, sir.
Trap. O! nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir!
Flora. Now I begin to take ye: but pray was it fish or flesh, sir? what's in the portmanteau? and how came you by it?
Flora. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet.
Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his ser- Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you vant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo in are young travellers; you don't know this it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, house, sir; why they'll let you starve if you gold, good store, settlements, and credential don't stir, and call, and that like thunder too letters to certify that the bearer (which I in--Hollo!
tend to be myself) is don Philip, only son Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I preand heir of don Fernando de las Torres, now sume, sir? residing at Seville, whence we came.
Trap. Umph!-Ay, sir, that's as it happens Flora. A very smart undertaking, by my-I seldom eat at home, indeed-Hollo! troth and pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I can't lie for myself you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german.
Flora. And my name is to beHyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please; be your own godfather.
Host. Did you call, gentlemen?
Trap. Yes, and bawl too, sir: here, the gentlemen are almost famish'd, and nobody comes near 'em: what have you in the house now that will be ready presently?
Flora. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily; Host. You may have what you please, sir. this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if Hyp. Can you get us a partridge? we can but come off without fighting, which, Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; get you what you please in a moment: we for to be sure don Philip will make the devil have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you to do with us when he finds himself here be- please it shall be clapp'd down in a moment. fore he comes hither. Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please you may have any thing else in a moment.
Hyp. O let me alone to give him satisfaction. Flora. I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part I can push no more than I can swim.
Hyp. But you can bully, upon occasion. Flora. I can scold when my blood's up. Hyp. That's the same thing. Bullying in breeches, would be scolding in petticoats.
Hyp. Then pr'ythee get us some young rabbits. Host. Rabbits! odd rabbit it, rabbits are so scarce they are not to be had for money. Flora. Have you any fish?
Host. Fish! sir, I dress'd yesterday the finest Flora. Say ye so: why then do look to dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry yourself; if I don't give you as good as you we have none left, sir; but, if you please, you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live. Well, madam, now you have open'd the plot, pray when is the play to begin?
Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours; we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have?
may have any thing else in a moment.
Trap. Plague on thee, hast thou nothing but any-thing-else in the house?
Host. Very good mutton, sir.
Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided, but at present we have nothing else left.
Trap. Servant, gentlemen, I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, by 1) A saddle of mutton is the two loins not separated.
Trap. 'Egad, it's neck or nothing 1) here,| Hyp. Hang him, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour sir. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing him.-[Apart] Pray, sir (for I find we are very good meat, when any thing like to be better acquainted, therefore I hope else is not to be had. you won't take my question ill)
else may be
Hyp. Then pr'ythee, friend, let's have thy neck of mutton before that is gone too.
Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute;
Trap. O, dear sir!
Hyp. What profession may you be of?
I see it done:-gentlemen, I'll wait upon ye the wine.
Hyp. By no means, sir. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-ye Trap. No ceremony, dear sir; indeed I'll blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink [Exeunt Host and Trappanti. before he knows whether it be good or not? Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? [Drinks] Yes, 'twill do-give me the bottle, Flora. With much ado I have recollected I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass his face. Don't you remember, madam, about of right wine? two or three years ago, don Philip had a trusty Hyp. Extremely good indeed-But, sir, as servant, called Trappanti, that used now and to my question. then to slip a note into your hand, as you came from church?
Hyp. Is this he that Philip turn'd away for saving I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humour'd?
Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all.
Hyp. O, pray, sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant. Here, master! pr'ythee get us-Ha! ay, get us Flora. The very same, I assure ye; only, a dozen of poach'd eggs-a dozen, d'ye hear as you see starving has altered his air a little.-just to-pop down a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concern'd for him: Host. Yes, sir. what makes him so far from Seville?
Trap. Friend-let there be a little slice of bacon to every one of 'em.
Host. Yes, sir-a little thin slice, sir?
Trap. Oh! ay, Diego! that's true indeed, Diego! Umph!
Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full. [Apart. Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks and fills again] That I should forget thy name though.
Host. No great harm, sir.
Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith!
Trap. Hah! how many children?
Trap. Hah! nine girls - Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha! Diego? Host. Pretty well, sir.
Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye-Does she do olives well?
Host. Will you be pleased to taste 'em, sir? Trap. Taste 'em! humph! pr'ythee let's have a plate, Diego.
Hyp. But, sir, I was asking you of your profession.
Trap. Profession! really, sir, I don't use to profess much; I am a plain dealing sort of a man; if I say I'll serve a gentleman, he may depend upon me.
Flora. Have you ever served, sir?
Trap. Some words with my superior offi