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know many a woman of quality's second husband several years before the death of the first.

LADY.

Ay, I know you wits have your common-place jests upon us poor widows.

TINSEL.

I'll tell you a story, widow; I know a certain lady, who, considering the craziness of her husband, had, in case of mortality, engaged herself to two young fellows of my acquaintance. They grew such desperate rivals for her while her husband was alive, that one of them pink'd the other in a duel. But the good lady was no sooner a widow, but what did my dowager do? Why faith, being a woman of honour, she married a third, to whom, it seems, she had given her first promise.

LADY.

And this is a true story, upon your own knowledge?

TINSEL.

Every tittle, as I hope to be marry'd, or never believe Tom Tinsel.

LADY.

Pray, Mr. Tinsel, do you call this talking like a wit, or like a rake?

TINSEL.

Innocent enough, he he! he! Why! where's the difference, my dear?

LADY.

Yes, Mr. Tinsel, the only man I ever lov'd in my life, had a great deal of the one, and nothing of the other in him.

TINSEL.

Nay, now you grow vapourish; thou'lt begin to fancy thou hear'st the drum by and by.

LADY.

If you had been here last night about this time, you would not have been so merry.

TINSEL.

About this time, say'st thou? Come faith, for the humour's sake, we'll sit down and listen.

LADY.

I will, if you'll promise to be serious.

TINSEL.

Serious! never fear me, child. Ha! ha! ha! dost not hear him?

LADY.

You break your word already. Pray, Mr. Tinsel, do you laugh to show your wit or your teeth?

TINSEL.

Why, both! my dear. I'm glad, however, that she has taken notice of my teeth. [Aside.]-But you look serious, child; I fancy thou hear'st the drum, dost not?

LADY.

Don't talk so rashly.

TINSEL.

Why, my dear, you could not look more frighted if you had Lucifer's drum-major in your house.

LADY,

Mr. Tinsel, I must desire to see you no more in it, if you do not leave this idle way of talking.

TINSEL.

Child, I thought I had told you what is my opinion of spirits, as we were drinking a dish of tea but just There is no such thing, I give thee my word.

now

LADY.

Oh, Mr. Tinsel, your authority must be of great weight to those that know

you.

TINSEL.

For my part, child, I have made myself easy in those points.

LADY.

Sure nothing was ever like this fellow's vanity but his ignorance. [Aside.

TINSEL.

I'll tell thee what now, widow,I would engage by the help of a white sheet and a pennyworth of link, in a dark night, to frighten you a whole country village out of their senses, and the vicar into the bargain. [Drum beats.]-Hark! hark! what noise is that! Heaven defend us! this is more than fancy.

LADY.

It beats more terrible than ever.

"Tis

TINSEL.

very dreadful! what a dog have I been to speak against my conscience, only to show my parts!

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LADY.

It comes nearer and nearer.

I wish you have not

anger'd it by your foolish discourse.

TINSEL.

Indeed, Madam, I did not speak from my heart; I hope it will do me no hurt, for a little harmless raillery.

LADY.

Harmless, d'ye call it? it beats hard by us, as if it would break through the wall.

TINSEL

What a devil had I to do with a white sheet? [Scene opens and discovers Fantome.] Mercy on us! it appears.

LADY.

Oh! 'tis he! 'tis he himself, 'tis Sir George! 'tis my husband. [She faints.

in town.

TINSEL.

Now would I give ten thousand pound that I were [Fantome advances to him drumming.]—I beg ten thousand pardons. I'll never talk at this rate any more. [Fantome still advances drumming.]By my soul, Sir George, I was not in earnest, [falls on his knees.]-Have compassion on my youth, and consider I am but a coxcomb,-[Fantome points to the door.] But see he waves me offay, with all my heart-What a devil had I to do with a white [He steals off the stage, mending his pace as the drum beats.

sheet?

FANTOME.

The scoundrel is gone, and has left his mistress behind him. I'm mistaken if he makes love in this

house any more. I have now only the conjurer to deal with. I don't question but I shall make his reverence scamper as fast as the lover. And then the day's my own. But the servants are coming. I must get into my cupboard. [He goes in.

ENTER ABIGAIL and Servants.

ABIGAIL.

O my poor lady! this wicked drum has frighted Mr. Tinsel out of his wits, and my lady into a swoon. Let me bend her a little forward. She revives. Here, carry her into the fresh air, and she'll recover. [They carry her off.] This is a little barbarous to my lady, but 'tis all for her good: and I know her so well, that she would not be angry with me, if she knew what I was to get buy it. And if any of her friends should blame me for it hereafter,

I'll clap my hand upon my purse, and tell 'em
"Twas for a thousand pound and Mr. Vellum.

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