(and could you or I have got into the cabinet, or stood behind the curtain, we fhould have found it was fo) been weighed, poized, and perpended-argued uponcanvaffed through-entered

into, and examined on all fides with fo much coolness, that the GODDESS of COOLNESS herself (I do not take upon me to prove her existence) could neither have wifhed it, or done it better.

fa

Of the number of these was my ther's refolution of putting me into breeches; which, though determined at once, in a kind of huff, and a defiance of all mankind, had, nevertheless, been pro'd and conn'd, and judicially talked over betwixt him and my mother about a month before, in two several beds of justice, which my father had held for that purpose. I fhall explain the VOL. VI.

F

nature

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nature of these beds of juftice in my next chapter; and in the chapter following that, you shall step with me, Madam, behind the curtain, only to hear in what kind of manner my father and my mother debated between themselves, this affair of the breeches, from which you may form an idea, how they debated all leffer matters.

CHA P. XVII.

THE ancient Goths of Germany, who (the learned Cluverius is pofitive) were firft feated in the country between the Viftula and the Oder, and who afterwards incorporated the Herculi, the Bu gians, and fome other Vandallick clans to 'em, had all of them a wife cuftom of debating every thing of importance

to their ftate, twice; that is,-önce drunk, and once fober:Drunkthat their counfels might not want vigour; and fober that they might not want discretion.

Now my father being entirely a waterdrinker, was a long time gravelled almost to death, in turning this as much to his advantage, as he did every other thing, which the ancients did or faid; and it was not till the feventh year of his marriage, after a thousand fruitless experiments and devices, that he hit upon an expedient which answered the purpofe; and that was when any difficult and momentous point was to be settled in the family, which required great fobriety, and great spirit too, in its determination,he fixed and fet apart the first Sunday night in the month, and F 2

the

the Saturday night which immediately preceded it, to argue it over, in bed with my mother: By which contrivance, you confider, Sir, with yourself, *

if

1

;

These my father, humourously enough, called his beds of justice for from the two different counfels taken in these two different humours, a middle one was generally found out, which touched the point of wifdom as well, as if he had got drunk and fober a hundred times.

It must not be made a fecret of to the world, that this anfwers full as well in literary difcuffions, as either in military

or

or conjugal; but it is not every author that can try the experiment as the Goths and Vandals did it or if he can, may it be always for his body's health; and to do it, as my father did it,am I fure it would be always for his foul's.

My way is this:

In all nice and ticklish discussions,(of which, heaven knows, there are but too many in my book)-where I find I cannot take a step without the danger of having either their worships or their reverences upon my backI write one half full,-and t'other fasting or write it all full,-and correct it fafting; or write it fafting,and correct it full, for they all come to the fame thing: So that with a lefs