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would that do?-For sarten, seeing how things and declares she will never marry at all.— were, I should have been very glad had they But I know, my lord, she'll pay great respect gone accordingly: but if they change, 'tis no to any thing you say; and if you'll but lay fault of mine, you know. your commands on her to marry him, I'm sure she'll do it.
A I R.
Zooks! why should I sit down and grieve?
Here's what masters all disasters:
What a murrain then should ail me!
He's a child that whimpers for a toy;
Enter LORD AIMWORTH.
Lord A. Who, I lay my commands on her? Fair. Yes, pray, my lord, do; I'll send her in to you, and I humbly beg you will tell her, you insist upon the match going forward; tell her, you insist upon it, my lord, and speak a little angrily to her. [Exit.
Lord A. Master Fairfield! What can be the meaning of this?-Refuse to marry the farmer! How, why?-My heart is thrown in an agitation; while every step I take serves but to lead me into new perplexities.
I came hither, Patty, in consequence of our [Exit. conversation this morning, to render your change of state as agreeable and happy as I could: but your father tells me you have falFair. O the goodness, his lordship's honour len out with the farmer; has any thing hap-you are come into a litter'd place, my noble pened since I saw you last to alter your good sir-the arm-chair-will it please your honour opinion of him? to repose you on this, till a better
Lord A. Thank you, miller, there's no occasion for either.-I only want to speak a few words to you, and have company waiting for me without.
Fair. Without-wou't their honours favour my poor hovel so far
Pat. No, my lord, I am in the same opinion with regard to the farmer now as I always was.
Lord A. I thought, Patty, you loved him; you told mePat. My lord!
Lord A. Well, no matter-It seems I have Lord A. o, miller, let them stay where been mistaken in that particnlar-Possibly they are. find you are about marrying your your affections are engaged elsewhere: let me daughter-I know the great regard my mother but know the man that can make you happy, bad for her; and am satisfied that nothing and I swear
but her sudden death could have prevented Pat. Indeed, my lord, you take too much her leaving her a handsome provision. trouble upon my account.
Fair. Dear, my lord, your noble mother, you, and all your family, have heaped favours on favours on my poor child.
Lord A. Whatever has been done for her she has fully merited—
Fair. Why, to be sure, my lord, she is a very good girl.
Lord A. Perhaps, Patty, you love somebody so much beneath you, you are ashamed to own it; but your esteem confers a value wheresoever it is placed: I was too harsh with you this morning: our inclinations are not in our own power; they master the wisest of us. Pat. Pray, pray, my lord, talk not to me Lord 4. Poor old man-but those are tears in this style: consider me as one destined by of satisfaction-Here, master Fairfield, to bring birth and fortune to the meanest condition and matters to a short conclusion, here is a bill offices. Let me conquer a heart, where pride of a thousand pounds.-Portion your daughter and vanity have usurped an improper rule; with what you think convenient of it. and learn to know myself. Fair. A thousand pounds, my lord! Pray Lord A. Or possibly, Patty, you love some excuse me; excuse me, worthy sir; too much one so much above you, you are afraid to has been done already, and we have no pre-own it-If so, be his rank what it will, he is to be envied: for the love of a woman of virtue, beauty, and sentiment, does honour to a monarch. What means that downcast look, those tears, those blushes? Dare you not confide in me?-Do you think, Patty, you have a friend in the world would sympathize with you more sincerely than I?
Lord A. I insist upon your taking it.-Put up, and say no more. Fair. Well, my lord, if it must be so: but indeed, indeed
Lord A. In this I only fulfil what I am satisfied would please my mother. As to myself, I shall take upon me all the expenses of Pat. What shall I answer? [Aside]—No, Patty's wedding, and have already given orders my lord; you have ever treated me with a about it. kindness, a generosity of which none but minds Fair. Alas, sir, you are too good, too ge-like yours are capable: you have been my innerous; but I fear we shall not be able to structor, my adviser, my protector: but, my profit of your kind intentions, unless you will lord, you have been too good: when our sucondescend to speak a little to Patty. Lord A. How speak!
periors forget the distance between us, we are sometimes led to forget it too: had you been less condescending, perhaps I had been happier.
Fair. Why, my lord, I thought we had pretty well ordered all things concerning this Lord A. And have I, Patty, have I made you marriage; but all on a sudden the girl has unhappy; I, who would sacrifice my own fetaken it into her head not to have the farmer, licity to secure yours?
Pat. I beg, my lord, you will suffer me to be gone: only believe me sensible of all your favours, though unworthy of the smallest.
Giles. If his lordship's honour would be so kind, I would acknowledge the favour as far as in me lay.
Sir H. Let me speak-[Takes Lord Aimworth aside] a word or two in your lord
Lord A. How unworthy?-You merit every thing; my respect, my esteem, my friendship, and my love!-Yes, I repeat, I avow it: your ship's' ear. beauty, your modesty, your understanding, has Theo. Well, I do like this gipsy scheme made a conquest of my heart. But what a prodigiously, if we can but put it into execuworld do we live in! that while I own this, tion as happily as we have contrived it. while I own a passion for you, founded on the justest, the noblest basis, I must at the same time confess the fear of that world, its So, my dear Patty, you see I am come to taunts, its reproaches. Pat. Ah, sir, think better of the creature a call en passant-will you be at home after return your visit very soon; but this is only you have raised, than to suppose I ever en-dinner? tertained a hope tending to your dishonour: would that be a return for the favours I have descend to honour me so far: but it is what Pat. Certainly, madam, whenever you conreceived? I am unfortunate, my lord, but not cannot expect. criminal. Theo. O fie, why notGiles. Your servant, miss Patty. Pat. Farmer, your servant.
Lord A. Patty, we are both unfortunate:| for my own part, I know not what to say to you, or what to propose to myself.
Sir H. Here, you goodman delver, I have Pat. Then, my lord, 'tis mine to act as I done your business; my lord has spoke, and ought; yet while I am honoured with a place your fortune's made: a thousand pounds at in your esteem, imagine me not insensible of present, and better things to come; his lordso high a distinction, or capable of lightly turn-ship says he will be your friend. ing my thoughts towards another.
Giles. I do hope, then, miss Pat will make
Lord A. How cruel is my situation!-I am all up. here, Patty, to command you to marry the Sir H. Miss Pat, make up; stand out of the man who has given you so much uneasiness. way, I'll make it up. Pat. My lord, I am convinced it is for your credit and my safety it should be so: I hope QUINTETTO.-SIR HARRY SYCAMORE, LORD I have not so ill profited by the lessons of AIMWORTH, PATTY, GILES, and "THEODOSIA. your noble mother, but I shall be able to do my duty, wherever I am called to it: this will Sir H. The quarrels of lovers, adds me! be my first support; time and reflection will complete the work.
Cease, oh, cease to overwhelm me
they're a jest;
Come hither, ye blockhead, come hither,
So now let us leave them together.
Lord A, Farewell, then!
Enter SIR HARRY SYCAMORE, THEODOSIA,
Sir H. No justice of peace, no bailiffs, no head-borough!
Lord A. What's the matter, sir Harry? Sir H. The matter, my lord-While I was examining the construction of the mill without, for I have some small notion of mechanics, miss Sycamore had like to have been run away with by a gipsy man.
Theo. Dear papa, how can you talk so? Did not I tell you it was at my own desire the poor fellow went to show me the canal? Sir H. Hold your tongue, miss. I don't know any business you had to let him come near you at all: we have stayed so long too: your mamma gave us but half an hour, and she'll be frightened out of her wits-she'll think some accident has happened to me. Lord A. I'll wait upon you
when you please.
I vow and protest,
"Twas kind of his honour,
To gain thus upon her;
We're so much beholden it caut be exprest.
I feel something here,
Twixt hoping and fear:
A thousand distractions are rend
Sir H. O! but, my lord, here's a poor fel- SCENE I.-The Portico to LORD AIMWORTE'S
low; it seems his mistress has conceived some
disgust against him; pray has her father spoke Enter LORD AIMWORTH, SIR HArry, and
to you to interpose your authority in his behalf?
Lady S. A wretch! a vile inconsiderate
wretch! coming of such a race as mine; and of horses in all England (but that he did only
Sir H. Ay but, my lord, the lad tells us the gentleman's name: we have seen the gipsies; and we know she has had a hankering
Lord A. How now, master Fairfield, what brings you here?
Lady S. Sir Harry, my dear, why will you put in your word, when you hear others speaking-I protest, my lord, I'm in such confusion, I know not what to say: I can hardly for your bounty to me and my daughter this support myself.
Lord A. This gentleman, it seems, is at a little inn at the bottom of the hill.
Sir H. I wish it was possible to have a file of musketeers, my lord; I could head them myself, being in the militia; and we would go and seize him directly.
Fair. I am come, my lord, to thank you morning, and most humbly to entreat your lordship to receive it at our hands again.
Lord A. Ay-why, what's the matter? Fair. I don't know, my lord: it seems your generosity to my poor girl has been noised about the neighbourhood; and some evil-minded people have put it into the young man's head Lord A. Softly, my dear sir; let us proceed that was to marry her, that you never would with a little less violence in this matter, I be- have made her a present so much above her seech you. We should first see the young deserts and expectations, if it had not been upon some naughty account: now, my lord, lady-Where is miss Sycamore, madam? Lady S. Really, my lord, I don't know; I am a poor man 'tis true, and a mean one; saw her go into the garden about a quarter but I and my father, and my father's father, of an hour ago, from our chamber window. have lived tenants upon your lordship's estate, Sir H. Into the garden! perhaps she has got where we have always been known for honest an inkling of our being informed of this affair, men; and it shall never be said, that Fairfield, and is gone to throw herself into the pond. the miller, became rich in his old days, by the Despair, my lord, makes girls do terrible things. wages of his child's shame. 'Twas but the Wednesday before we left London, that I saw, taken out of Rosamond's-you believepond, in St. James's Park, as likely a young woman as ever you would desire to set your eyes on, in a new callimancoe petticoat, and a pair of silver buckles in her shoes.
Lord A. I hope there is no danger of any such fatal accident happening at present; but will you oblige me, sir Harry?
Sir H. Surely, my lord
Lord A. Will you commit the whole direction of this affair to my prudence?
Sir H. My dear, you hear what his lordship
Lady S. Indeed, my lord, I am so much asham'd, I don't know what to answer; the fault of my daughter—
Lord A. What then, master Fairfield, do
Fair. No, my lord, no, heaven forbid: but when I consider the sum, it is too much for us; it is indeed, my lord, and enough to make bad folks talk: besides, my poor girl is greatly alter'd; she us'd to be the life of every place she came into; but since her being at home, I have seen nothing from her but sadness and watery eyes.
Lord A. The farmer then refuses to marry Patty, notwithstanding their late reconciliation?
Fair. Yes, my lord, he does indeed; and has made a wicked noise, and used us in a very base manner: I did not think farmer Giles would have been so ready to believe such a thing of us.
Lord A. Well, master Fairfield, I will not Lord A. Don't mention it, madam; the fault has been mine, who have been innocently the press on you a donation, the rejection of which occasion of a young lady's transgressing a does you so much credit; you may take my point of duty and decorum, which otherwise word, however, that your fears upon this ocshe would never have violated. But if you, casion are entirely groundless: but this is not and sir Harry, will walk in and repose your-enough; as I have been the means of losing selves, I hope to settle every thing to the ge- your daughter one husband, it is but just I should get her another; and, since the farmer neral satisfaction. Lady S. Come in, sir Harry. [Exit. is so scrupulous, there is a young man in the Lord A. I am sure, my good friend, had 1 house here, whom I have some influence over, known that I was doing a violence to miss and I dare say he will be less squeamish. Fair. To be sure, my lord, you have, in Sycamore's inclinations, in the happiness I all honest ways, a right to dispose of me and proposed to myself
Sir H. My lord, 'tis all a case-My grand- mine as you think proper. Lord A. Go then immediately, and bring father, by the mother's side, was a very sensible man-he was elected knight of the shire Patty hither; I shall not be easy till I have But, stay and in five successive parliaments, and died high given you entire satisfaction. sheriff of his county-a man of fine parts, fine take a letter, which I am stepping into my talents, and one of the most curiousest docker study to write: I'll order a chaise to be got
ready, that you may go back and forward pretending you were struck blind by thunder [ACT III. with greater expedition. [Exit Fairfield. and lightning.
Let me fly-hence, tyrant fashion!
SCENE II.--A Village.
Enter RALPH, FANNY following.
Ralph. What do you want with me, eh? Fan. Lord, I never knowed such a man as you are, since I com'd into the world; a body can't speak to you, but you falls straightways into a passion: I followed you up from the house, only you run so, there was no such à thing as overtaking you, and I have been waiting there at the back door ever so long..
Fan. Pray don't be angry, Ralph. Ralph. Yes, but I will though: spread your cobwebs to catch flies; I am an old wasp, and don't value them a button.
When you meet a tender creature,
But if one you meet that's frow-ard,
'Tis to mend her ne'er the wit: Nothing's tough enough to bind her; Then agog when once you find her, Let her go and never mind her; Ralph. Well, and now you may go and Heart alive, you're fairly quit. wait at the fore door, if you like it: but I fore- Fan. I wish I had a draught of water. I warn you and your gang not to keep lurk- don't know what's come over me; I have no ing about our mill any longer; for if you do, more strength than a babe: a straw would I'll send the constable after you, and have fling me down.-He has a heart as hard as you, every mother's skin, clapt into the county any parish officer; I don't doubt now but he gaol: you are such a pack of thieves, one can't would stand by and see me whipt himself; hang so much as a rag to dry for you: it was and we shall all be whipt, and all through my but the other day that a couple of them came means-The devil run away with the gentleinto our kitchen to beg a handful of dirty flour, man, and his twenty guineas too, for leading to make them cakes, and before the wench me astray: if I had known Ralph would have could turn about, they had whipped off three taken it so, I would have hanged myself bebrass candlesticks and a pot-lid. fore I would have said a word-but I thought he had no more gall than a pigeon.
Fan. Well, sure it was not I. Ralph. Then you know, that old rascal that you call father, the last time I catch'd him laying snares for the hares, I told him I'd inform the gamekeeper, and I'll expose all
Fan. Ah, dear Ralph, don't be angry with
Ralph. Yes, I will be angry with you-what do you come nigh me for? You shan't touch me- -There's the skirt of my coat, and if you do but lay a finger on it, my lord's bailiff is here in the court, and I'll call him and give you to him.
Fan. If you'll forgive me, I'll go down on my knees.
No tears, alack,
Will call him back,
No tender words his heart allure;
My tongue through spite
Some plague bewitch'd me, that's for sure. SCENE III..
A Room in FAIRFIELD'S House. Enter GILES, followed by PATTY and THEODOSIA.
Ralph.. I tell you I won't-No, no, follow your gentleman; or go live upon your old fare, crows and polecats, and sheep that die of the rot; pick the dead fowl off the dung-| hills, and quench your thirst at the next ditch, with you? What do you scold at me for? I Giles. Why, what the plague's the matter 'tis the fittest liquor to wash down such dain-am sure I did not say an uncivil word as I ties-skulking about from barn to barn, and do know of: I'll be judged by the young lady lying upon wet straw, on commons, and in if I did. green lanes-go and be whipt from parish to Pat. 'Tis very well, farmer; all I desire is, parish, as you used to be. that you will leave the house: you see my father is not at home at present; when he is, if you have any thing to say, you know where to come.
Fan. How can you talk so unkind? Ralph. And see whether you will get what will keep you as I did, by telling of fortunes, and coming with pillows under your apron, Giles. Enough said; I don't want to stay among the young farmers wives, to make be- in the house, not I; and I don't much care lieve you are a breeding, with the Lord Al- if I had never come into it.
mighty bless you, sweet mistress, you cannot Theo. For shame, farmer! Down on your tell how soon it may be your own case. You knees, and beg miss Fairfield's pardon for the know I am acquainted with all your tricks-outrage you have been guilty of
and how you turn up the whites of your eyes, Giles. Beg pardon, miss, for what?-Icod,
that's well enough; why I am my own master, and equip myself-All here is in such con-
Theo. [Within] Ha, ha, ha!-What a con
you and be assured, if ever I was seemingly course of atoms are here! though, as I live,
consenting to such a sacrifice, nothing should they are a great deal better than I expected.
Theo. Have patience; the outward garment
Giles. Who made free with it? Did I ever mention my lord? 'Tis a cursed lie. Theo. Bless me, farmer!
Giles. Why it is, miss-and I'll make her her words-Then what does she mean prove by being punished? I am not afraid of nobody, nor beholding to nobody, that I know of; pays my rent, my money, I believe, while I is as good as another's: 1) 'egad, if it goes there, I think there be those deserve to be punished more than I.
Pat. Was there ever so unfortunate a creature, pursued as I am by distresses and vexations?
Theo. My dear Patty-See, farmer, you have thrown her into tears.
Giles. Why then let her cry.
Oh leave me, in pity! The falsehood I scorn; For slander the bosom untainted defies: But rudeness and insult are not to be borne, Though offer'd by wretches we've sense to despise. [Exit Theodosia. Of woman defenceless how cruel the fate! Pass ever so cautious, so blameless her way, Ill nature and envy lurk always in wait, And innocence falls to their fury a prey.
Re-enter THEODOSIA, with Mervin. Theo. You are a pretty gentleman, are not you, to suffer a lady to be at a rendezvous before you?
Mer. Difficulties, my dear, and dangersNone of the company had two suits of apparel; So I was obliged to purchase a rag of one, and a tatter from another, at the expense of ten times the sum they would fetch at the paper-mill.
Mer. Imagine it embroidery, and consider it is your wedding-suit.-Come, how far have
Theo. Stay; you don't consider there's some contrivance necessary.-Here goes the apron, flounced and furbelow'd with a witness-Alas! alas! it has no strings! what shall I do? Come, And no matter; a couple of pins will servenow the cap-oh, mercy here's a hole in the crown of it large enough to thrust my head through.
Mer. That you'll hide with your straw hat; or if you should not-What, not ready yet? Theo. One minute more-Yes, now the work's accomplish'd.
[She comes out of the Closet disguised.
Re-enter GILES, with FAIRFIeld.
[Retires with Theodosia. Fair. As to the past, farmer, 'tis past; I bear no malice for any thing thou hast said. Giles. Why, master Fairfield, you do know I had a great regard for miss Patty; but when I came to consider all in all, I finds as how it is not advisable to change my condition yet awhile.
Fair. Friend Giles, thou art in the right; marriage is a serious point, and can't be considered too warily.-Ha, who have we here? -Shall I never keep my house clear of these vermin?-Look to the goods there, and give me a horsewhip-by the lord Harry, I'll make an example-Come here, lady Lightfingers, let me see what thou hast stolen.
Mer. Hold, miller, hold!
Fair. O gracious goodness! sure I know
Mer. Miller, let me speak to you.
Giles. Il fortune-miss! I think there be
nothing but crosses and misfortunes of one kind or other.
Fair. Money to me, sir! not for the world; you want no friends but what you have alTheo. Well, where are they? Mer. Here, in this bundle-and though I ready-Lack-a-day, lack-a-day, see how luckily say it, a very decent habiliment, if you have I came in; I believe you are the gentleman to art enough to stick the parts together: I've whom I am charged to give this, on the part go up to his honour with my young ladybeen watching till the coast was clear to bring of my lord Aimworth-Bless you, dear sir, there is a chaise waiting at the door to carry you-I and my daughter will take another
them to you.
-I'll slip into this
Theo. Let me see-]
1) Symptoms of English liberty.